Monster Burrito of Doom

Inspired by The Original California Burrito Company I embarked on a holy journey.

My goal? To recreate their kickass vegan burrito. It is the size of a rugby ball and stuffed generously with cheesly vegan cheese and soy sour cream.

They’re naughty people.

Unfortunately I’m not staying anywhere near vegan cheese. So I ended up making something horribly healthy instead, it’s almost totally fat free.

I assure you this was completely accidental.

Oh, by the way, this recipe includes the quickest version of dirty rice you’ll ever come across. My own invention, borne out of laziness and an urgent, pressing need to feed.

You may want to accentuate this beast with any of the following:  hot chilli sauce; salsa; guacamole; vegan cheese or vegan sour cream.

There are  multiple components to this elaborate creation, so I’ll break with tradition and give you full instructions on creating each element and then the final directions for assembly. The good thing is you’ll have extra to go into the fridge when you want to hit it again for a second or third round.


Stirfry with a dash of oil: capsicum; mushrooms;  whole kernal corn (drained) a tomato; courgette/zucchini; capsicum/red bell pepper and onion  (if desired, but I omit onion)

The Quickest Dirty Rice Ever

Boil one cup of white rice until water is absorbed. Add 1 tin of black beans including the liquid – this is important. And note, you must use black beans as they have a special flavour. Salt very generously to taste (needs lots of salt), then cook until liquid is mostly absorbed.


Chop avocado, tomato and cucumber. Drizzle with lemon. Pile atop finely chopped lettuce.


Wait for hot stuff to cool a little, if you can bear it. Smear refried beans generously on a football-field sized wheat wrap. Pile on dirty rice, salad and vegetables. Make sure it’s fat, ideally too fat to hold; ideally, fat enough to intimidate children. If desired drop in any of the suggested condiments above.  Go crazy! This is your moment! Wrap in foil and either toast a little or just munch happily on.

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